We can't hang our hearts on hypotheticals outside our control. We often confuse "what we want" with "what we can demand."
We are, of course, entitled to feelings: heartbreak, anger, confusion, desperation, or anything else — including desires for commitment.
But we can't demand "forever" from the universe, including other people.
Other people are separate living beings
And we can't "demand" someone else — or their love. They just aren't ours to package up.
We often feel anxious about "being alone," but rather than building healthy viewpoints around what is and is not ours to control, we try to build insurance against this risk by demanding "til death do us part." And while that is romantic, and a nice feeling, the reality: we're hanging our emotional wellbeing on something we don't control.
"Longevity" and "commitment" are beautiful! but only when they are freely offered! Not when they're coerced.
Each person is still a human being that has his or her own human being experience that's completely separate from ours. Their life belongs to them, not us.
And the only way spending time together retains compassion is if they commit to us out of their own accord. It's not ours to demand (and the minute we have to, it ruins it.)
We can still say "I want commitment"!
Communicating that you are looking for commitment is fine. Normal. The issue here is not emotional needs.
But demanding someone promise you "forever" just isn't feasible. (And not only is it impossible, but not actually what we need to feel loved.)
Focus on loving RIGHT NOW
Rather than trying to "win" a "forever" that inherently can never be won.
We should treat our partner and each moment as something very dear, to be "re-won and re-loved" every day. Love them as their own human beings who are going their own way in life, and make deliberate choices every day. Love them as though they are free people who could, if this stopped working, choose to leave.
And promise "now" — over and over
This present moment is our greatest and most valuable gift, and the deliberate choice around what we do with each moment is one of the greatest gestures we can give ourselves — and others.
Wake up every morning and choose to love them all over again. Don't demand forever, and don't hang your heart on something the universe, by nature, cannot deliver.
Instead, promise that if we're here, it's because we want to be. Love with openness and mindfulness, rather than requirements or fear.
Love with an "abundance" mindset, but also love knowing that the world evolves. Love with respect for the universe, ourselves, and each other as separate human beings, and honor what we do and do not control, and focus more on loving now, and less on securing love for an impossible "forever." There is no higher love than that.
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